Нет комментариев 18.10.2006

I fail to know exact number of youths, committing suicides. And don’t want to. Anyway, statistics lies. I don’t believe all these dead numbers, coldly showing with which periodicity young people decide to farewell.

Last Saturday there were funerals. In one Moscow school. One senior pupil cut his veins. Not “just because”, but pompously: candles all around him, some Novocain before the “action” to feel no pain. The result was definitely positive.

I’m writing these lines and feel some mixture of anger, despair and fear. That guy was no one for me, I even didn’t know him – just a pupil of the school my mum works at. And in principle I should stay absolutely indifferent as it’s not my business first of all, and secondly, the less irritable I become, the better I sleep. But you know, something disturbs, disturbs to so, that I feel desire to share.

I have two children; thank God, too small to understand things like that. But children do grow up. And I’m afraid. Stupid as it may seem I’m really afraid that in spite of all possible love and care, my son or my daughter can hypothetically do something of the kind.

Russia is a paradoxical country. Mostly we are people with bare asses and bare souls. Bare in all meanings. I can’t say for other countries, surely they also suffer from many kinds of problems. I can speak about our situation from my personal “motherly” point of view. At the age of four my son, like many other children of his age, watches TV and not only cartoons or documentary. It’s evident. I think many mothers understand what I’m hinting at. Right. Blood and dead bodies do not frighten him very much. I’m not speaking about horror films, no. Just ordinary TV news summary.

And he accepts it all. Today in a very natural manner, but I’m not sure about his “someday” reaction. Our sub-consciousness is a tricky thing.

If I could, I would ask those youths who had already “departed”, what made them act so. Surely I’m not lonely in my desire. I feel so sorry for them all… I do understand that there are some circumstances, seeming to be unbearable and insoluble. I understand that black and white are two main gradations for teens and these two colors cover all aspects. And I won’t moan that parents and friends will possibly blame themselves for the irretrievable loss. It’s clear without words. I just ask, please, don’t. I’m not and old bag, preaching. I’m only 26. And you know what, only several years ago, perhaps, when my first kid was born, I felt how precious a single life is. Perhaps, the soul is immortal, but don’t deprive your poor body of LIFE. DEATH is thousand times worse.

I could possibly write continuously, but let me stop. Just LIVE your LIFE and don’t let anyone and anything rob you of it.